Love is a fundamental virtue that motivates behavior, a topic in which Bible and academic scholars agree. 

Learning to love yourself happens in the first five steps of this Erickson's theory but then the steps shift focus to move on to loving others, wisely, so you rightly apply love (discernment) habitually, growing into a functional, altruistic, personality (1 Corinthians 14:20, 1 Peter 2:2). The ability to see past yourself forms as you grow in confidence and can leave behind a me first attitude because you are secure in yourself. A healthy but accurate love and acceptance of yourself (because of a new identity in Christ) gives you the foundational security to love God while authentically loving your neighbor as yourself (James 2:8, Ephesians 3:17-19, 1 John 3:18). It is this security from a trustworthy relationship with the Triune God that boosts your confidence and reduces the anxiety associated with the vulnerability needed to express authentic actions of love. For an example, a crisis in step six of your identity development results in shallow relationships. When you can't depend on others to help you through life, you shun intimacy and sacrifice potential relationships for independence and control which blocks the seed of trust (which blossoms into love).

• Read Appendix 2N for more about choosing to be vulnerable yet secure rather than independent yet unfulfilled.

Love is the message of the New Testament (Galatians 5:6, see https://www.gotquestions.org/law-of-Christ.html). God’s love spoke when He sent Jesus Christ to save humanity (John 3:16). Jesus Christ’s love spoke through His obedience to God’s plan because His love for God surpassed His own self-love for His life (John 14:31). Jesus faced all the typical human emotions and temptations that are common to man yet remained sinless because He loved God (John 15:9, 1 Peter 2:22). Herein lies a major difference in theory behind Christians and secular psychologists. Christians believe or have faith in God and this underlies each of Erickson’s steps, pointing to faith producing wisdom and giving you, as a Christian, all you need to navigate through the potholes of life. Christians today also have the New Testament which plainly paints the picture of Jesus relying on his faith to walk the road that God designed for Him. The Bible doesn’t reveal the specifics of Jesus childhood except to say in the gospel of Luke 2:41-2:52 “… Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man”. While we don’t read about Jesus again until He was 30 years old and began His public ministry, what we can read about is how He modeled what it is to walk in love (Luke 3:23, 1 John 2:5-6).

Psychologist Erickson also determined that you come to understand what a healthy and balanced expression of love looks like in the age range of 18-40 years old (1 Corinthians 13:11, Ephesians 1:12-13). ​Developing this mature love happens, not with age, but with acceptance and understanding of God’s position in your life. Knowledge of God is the fundamental virtue you need, even before Erickson’s first step, because the virtue FAITH, not hope, structures your life. It brings you a secure, passionate and grateful feeling that motivates you to give it away to others. A mature Christian love is demonstrated by the willingness to be persistent and resilient while acting on hope and confidence (Philippians 1:9-11, 2:1-9, 1 Corinthians 15:58).

Erickson’s stages theory does, however, clearly point out the connection between love and wisdom. In Christianity, the developmental steps lead to not only your wisdom and insight but your growth into true altruistically selfless behavior seen by acts of kindness to others. This is why a Christian stuck in addiction is advised to look at the 12 steps in Alcoholics Anonymous pictured as a cycle. Step 12 says to "give it away" so you can go through the steps continuously to intentionally shape not only your new normal lifestyle, but someone else's.

• Review Appendix 1B with this perspective in  mind.