Appendix 2S; Humble Love  ​

 

“Selflessness is humility. Humility and freedom go hand in hand. Only a humble person can be free.” Jeff Wilson

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Psychologists Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000) identify three ingredients to self-determination; “competence, autonomy, and relatedness”. But secular psychologists don’t dig deep enough to uncover the root problem of this me-centered world view. At the core of every human being is the need to feel worthy of love and belonging which forms your self-worth and dignity. When you feel secure by knowing you are loved by God, the motive to please Him kicks in (a heart-felt reaction to the love and gratitude of God) and this is what motivates your performance. It's not the other way around.

 

You don't need to prove your worth to the Creator God (who is love and who created you in His image, Genesis 1:27). It's when you accept that God's unconditional love is for you too, not just everyone else, you begin to operate out of a confident self-image (because you are aware of God's gift -  your Christ identity) and this is what motivates your attitude and actions to match your world view (1 John 4:16). Put simply, because God loves you, and you love him, you show it by loving others. (Your love of God, a Spiritual being, is expressed by loving His physical creation.) You still feel competent, autonomous and relatable, but you know the Source is God, Christ in you (1 Corinthians 8:6, Philippians 4:19, James 1:17, Psalm 16:20).

 

You were created by God to operate as a “social being(s) - with the need for belonging/affiliation” so when your body, soul and spirit act consistently, you are fulfilled, you feel whole, resulting in your peace from cognitive consistency (Isaiah 26:3, 1 Thessalonians 5:23, Fink, (2018), Haslam, S. A., et al. (2009)). Instead of holding a view of yourself based on your mood or based on the opinions of others, a humbled view lets God’s love penetrate your heart and that's when you realize the full force of a secure identity, one that is all sufficient in Christ (2 Corinthians 9:8, 12:9). When you are filled by God's love, you do not feel the need to prove your competence or value to anyone, to draw attention to yourself or to show yourself worthy through your accomplishments but you aim to live in harmony with God and others as you lead a responsible life (Galatians 6:1-5).

 

Acknowledging that it’s God, not you, that has the final authority in your life balances your freedom of choice within the boundaries of His sovereign rule (Psalm 119:30). That means when building a new normal lifestyle that it’s you who chooses to rely on and incorporate God's principles of love into all your relationships (Mark 12:30-31, Deuteronomy 10:12-14). It’s not until you reach the end of yourself that God’s unconditional love breaks through your defense mechanisms so you can offer a self-sacrificial love to God and your neighbor (John 3:16, Ephesians 5:1, Warren, R., (2014)). You become willing to reach out and love others without regard for yourself because you are secure in God's love and provision for you.

 

Emotions enrich your life and are attached to just about everything. With God in your life, it’s fear and love that motivate your Holy habits. ​It's your acceptance and appreciation for His love (not self-love) that causes you to Love God, yourself, and your neighbor (Mark 12:30-31). The command to love your neighbor competes with the motive of self-interest so in order to tame your human desires, you must elevate God to the highest value position in your life, listen to the promptings of Love-the Holy Spirit within you, and do the right things so can feel the reward of hope, faith and love. If you rationalize God's truth, you will corrupt the definition of Holy Love (as developed by the Creator of the Universe) and restlessness will result, causing you to search for another source of fulfillment, much like what King Solomon discovered after mismanaging God's place in his life (see the book of Ecclesiastes and/or revisit "Insight for Daily Living" in section 1 of this program).

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Without humility, you won’t fulfill the law of love (Galatians 5:13-14, James 2:8). Possessing a humble attitude places boundaries around your behavior which shows you honor God as your first priority. You can see this in the life of David during his volatile relationship with King Saul, and again towards the end of his life with his son, soon to become King Solomon. God revealed to David that it was not in His will for David to build Him a temple but it was Solomon whom He selected to do it, as noted in 1 Chronicles 22:5-10, 28:20. King David not only accepted that direction and altered his plans accordingly, but he responded with a prayer that captured the position of his heart in 1 Chronicles 29:13-17:

“O our God, we thank you and praise your glorious name! But who am I, and who are my people, that we could give anything to you? Everything we have has come from you, and we give you only what you first gave us! We are here for only a moment, visitors and strangers in the land as our ancestors were before us. Our days on earth are like a passing shadow, gone so soon without a trace. “O Lord our God, even this material we have gathered to build a Temple to honor your holy name comes from you! It all belongs to you! I know, my God, that you examine our hearts and rejoice when you find integrity there. You know I have done all this with good motives, and I have watched your people offer their gifts willingly and joyously.

• Reread Philippians 2:1-15.

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Think about the attitude of humility in relation to pride. Did someone take your seat, spill your coffee, cut you off, or buy the last candy bar? Characteristically, pride accompanies control and self-righteousness which shades your perception. Humility, on the other hand, brings light so you can see Truth clearly. Identifying pride in an unbeliever is a bit easier to do than trying to spot it in yourself, even once you become aware of and respect the Triune Christian God. In your aim to please God, your rule following behavior can become skewed by an attitude (self-righteousness) that shifts back to a focus on your performance of God’s principles instead of remembering that you are a conduit of God's grace. 

 

How apt are you to get frustrated?

Before you react to your emotions, refocus your perspective. ​Humility is part of your shield of faith. The humble person isn't offended by others but, instead, applies mercy and forgiveness  (Exodus 34:6, Psalm 103:8-10, 107:21-22, 34:1-3, James 4:6, Ephesians 4:32, Psalm 103:1-12).

• Pride blocks sincere gratitude and trusting relationships from progressing past the superficial level.

• Humility shows a healthy balance of the fear and love of God which creates in you the appropriate response to others (1 Chronicles 16:8-13).

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