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Be Watchful of the Tendency to Self-protect

Understanding Environmental Triggers and their Impact on You

Personal, interpersonal and environmental triggers are plentiful. These are people, places or things that jolt you into thinking and doing something out of a habit that you may have decided to give up, but because of the conditioning of the trigger, you react. The human brain is an efficient organ and communicates signals through your body so that you’ll take action in the most efficient way to react to the stimulus. Expect certain places, things, people and even emotions and thoughts to stimulate your old instinctual reactions that trigger old habits so you will not be surprised by this tendency, but instead can choose an intentional response. For example, you may be aware of some social triggers that might stimulate you to take a drink, but the other triggers that are harder to discover (such as your  psychological patterns), because they may or may not be readily identified by your conscious. In this case, you may have known not to take that first drink, but looking back after you did it, you still can't put your finger on why you actually did it. The interplays and science behind action taken as a result of instincts, impulses and intentional thoughts (that will help bring you to implement goal directed behaviors) is not the point of this section. Instead, you need to be aware that there is more to your addiction recovery than meets the eye. When you do the work to discover why you acted as you did and what triggered the action, you can train yourself to override these old habits with new ones. (Awareness is the stimulus for goal setting and intentional decision-making. It is choosing a response that will override your impulsive habits so you can reach your goal of a new normal).

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​​​​To act purposefully, the brain must be harnessed by intentional thinking that is stimulated by long-term goal achievement. This is why goal setting must be a conscious, thoughtful, value-based decision, otherwise, by default, efficiency and immediate satisfaction become the short-term goals established by your mind. Impulsive behavior needs to be taught and tamed by the decision to use self-control so that a new goal can replace the conditioned response that the impulsive behavior generated (Ainslie, G. (1975)).

 

After your reconditioning in a recovery/rehabilitation program is over, you need to stay vigilant (aware) of these hidden triggers and the potential setbacks they may bring. You’ll need to practice (over and over again) the responses that you learned in rehabilitation so these new effective intentional habits will become efficient and conditioned in your new social environment so they become second nature (they will eventually replace the old, impulsive habits, 1 Peter 5:8). Impulsivity automatically reacts, but intentionality responds (because to employ it requires you to want to delay short term rewards for longer-term goal achievement, and learning this skill requires the use of different* behavior, Ainslie, G. (1975)). Acting differently causes you to feel discomfort, mentally and physically, until it becomes your new normal. 

  • A word of encouragement when experiencing relapses; when practicing the new/replacement skill and you become aware that you've relapsed again, remember, you have not failed, you are just building/ strengthening your skill to overcome next time you get the desire. By staying motivated to reach your new skills/goals, you'll be able to avoid the hole in the sidewalk, because you have faith to believe that with God and your commitment to developing new skills, you'll overcome! Never give up; it's never too late to try, try again!

  • The efficiency of the learning process is detailed in Appendix 1F.

  • Read more about resiliency in the section titled, "Choose an Attitude of Capability along with Practicing Coping Behaviors!" and in Appendix 1Q; Resiliency to Overcome Setbacks​.

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Choosing a new normal requires the strength and the skill of implementing delayed gratification (the desire to look past short-term results for longer lasting goals) and this determination is rooted in self-worth (Crocker, J., Brook, A. T., Niiya, Y., & Villacorta, M. (2006)). Insecure people tend towards instant gratification because of the energy they gain from an immediate, but phantom boost on self-worth. Phantom boast on self-worth because instant gratification is often used by people with undeveloped trust or a lack of confidence in the source (Michaelson L, de la Vega A, Chatham CH, Munakata Y., (2013). The knowledgable hope that is associated with the Christian faith is needed to willingly make the choice to persist through the change process to transform your unproductive habits (Isaiah 40:31, Jeremiah 29:11, Philippians 1:6, Hebrews 6:19, 11:1, Romans 15:13).

 

The strength to do this comes from a renewed sense of self. "Renewed" because you need to consult a source of truth to assess your relative reality and redirect it. You gain this awareness through self-reflection, comparing your behavior to a desired standard and from your experiences and the results they produced. This is when intentional decision-making begins, unless you are sensitive to and offended by the feedback that this may provide. Reactions like these typically occur because of defense mechanisms that that surround your self-image so you do not allow truths to get inside your heart for fear that the truth may hurt (which further thwarts your sense of self and continues a negative cycle of the Self-fulfilling Prophecy).

 

Building Defense Mechanism is Inherent in Human Culture

Your self-concept will be restricted by defenses such as false pride, denial, or blame and will result in insecure feelings like feelings of fear, worry, arrogance, shame, or guilt. Defense mechanisms are meant to guard your self-image (your opinion of yourself) so you remain secure, maintaining your self-worth which provides you stability throughout life. Defense mechanisms maintain your status quo by becoming habits that bound your life. Until you become aware of and accept God's love for you, you'll be burdened with a self-concept instead of gaining your identity through God. Learning God's Word helps you discern truth and when you learn the loving character of God, you awaken to a new identity that isn't built on yours or someone else's evaluation of you. It's based your acceptance of God's love for you, as you are. 

 

Failing to accept this truth, prevents you from walking in the freedom Christ died to give everyone who believes in Him (Galatians 5:1, Romans 10:12-13, 1 Timothy 2:4).​ The blockage to becoming a new creature in-Christ is within you. It's your sense of self - your personal assessment of your worth* that fuels your self-image. Think of your self-image as the vulnerable core that lies beneath your expressed personality. It's vulnerable because it is the authority of self-direction. If you stand on the false hope that you are strong enough to be successful on your own, you'll fall victim to stagnation from false pride (Galatians 6:7-9, James 2:17-20). ​

 

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Your willingness to change doesn’t occur until the pain to remain the same outweighs the anticipated pain of continuing a bad habit. Pain has a way of awaking you to the reality of a situation and alerting you that action needs to be taken to address it. Everyone can fall victim to justification (creating excuses that diminish the need to change), but pain has a way of penetrating your psyche so that you do respond to the alert. What is your tendency? Do you tend to try to deny the reality of consequences or blame others for your misfortunes? If so, your probably experiencing (and stuck in) a relative reality, one you are comfortable with because you make an unconscious decision to put up with the negative consequences of a habit you like. Or were the consequences so bad that you could no longer live with the habit because you "hit bottom". (Defined in Appendix 1B in the middle of the page titled "The Concept of Hitting Bottom").

 

The pain from "hitting bottom" awakens you to the Truth that your habit of choice is counterproductive, and is typically when you (a personal decision to) change. This is when you look at your options, turn to God and are ready to accept His word as the authority on Truth and the recovery cycle can begin. Failing to learn from past mistakes and not adjusting your expectations and decisions based on Truth (rather than opinions and even personal experiences), are signs that you have a fragile self-concept. Having a fragile self-concept (and denying it) creates more uncertainty and this adds negativity to your thoughts. Anxiety* becomes part of your unproductive habit because of the physical and cognitive confusion that takes place (a result of cognitive dissonance) and becomes harder and takes more attempts to be able to fix. Knowing God's Truth and that it is cushioned by the boundaries of justice, secures you and sets you free from defensiveness and kick starts the acceptance of change process (rather than allowing defensiveness to reject possible improvements to your self-image). 

  • Anxiety is an example of how a feeling can impact behavior. At its extreme, anxiety is like pouring gasoline on a spark; it disintegrates everything in its path. The Christian faith is the water you use to put out the fire so you can rebuild (Ezekiel 11:19-20).

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Instead of deciding to continue living with the short term gratification (which requires no self-discipline), decide to

turn over your autonomy to God. Once you accept and believe, you'll be strengthen by the Triune Christian God. Don’t just believe in Jesus, but know the character of God, the helping nature of the Holy Spirit and then you’ll develop the will to walk like Jesus did (John 7:28-29, 37-39). Your knowledgeable faith will teach you to wait and trust in God’s timing as you walk through the peaks and valley's of life. As a Christian, you have the power to win this battle over the mind and body connection; the more you learn of God, the more confidence you gain in your attack against your bad habit(s). Nurture and rely on your relationship with God so you achieve the victory. Godly goals birth skills that, with time and insight, win the battle over bad habits. (Remember that practice isn't perfect and it will take many repetitions to become a productive habit / skill). In Christ, with the full expression of the Holy Spirit, you learn to be resilient and have the tenacity to overcome obstacles to achieving your new normal.​

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The feeling of tension from learning new skills is typically accompanied by both excitement and fear. For example, performing in a play on opening night is exciting unless you allow fear to override it. You may choose to focus on the fear you feel rather than the excitement and reward of a well-rehearsed performance thereby turning the neutrality of performance tension into paralyzing anxiety. Insecurity holds you back from growth, change, and possible rewards. If not corrected, you let fear win and you limit possibilities. When you have a secure self-image, you error on the side of thinking about what's possible which enables you to take the necessary risks in life that ensure your healthy development (Appendix 1T). As opposed to staying comfortable but stagnate - feeling uncomfortable in your own skin and causing you to look for the wrong solutions to relieve it. 

  • Can you identify the difference between learning a new skill and the anxious feeling that may arise due to a lack of trust?

  • Do you tolerate the performance tension from learning new skills to match new goals; or do you continue to do old habits impulsively because you can’t push through short term discomfort of learning new skills?

  • Read more in the Still Anxious? tab about how to "Subdue your Soul".

  • Reread the Introduction for more on the analogy regarding anxiety and a theater production.

 

Beware of the pitfalls from living inside the comfort of your own relative reality. For example, instead of a complete 180 change (maintaining a sober life and giving up friends who do not value your sobriety), you might try to hold on to your commitment to sobriety while attending a social event where there will be drinking (or drugs, or gambling, you fill in the blank). In so doing, you admit that drinking is bad for you, but you still think (denial of the full impact of an addictive lifestyle) you can hang around people who drink, resulting in anxiety from a new round of cognitive dissonance (Nilsen, P., Roback, K., Broström, A., & Ellström, P. E. (2012)). After facing this temptation over time, you find yourself feeling more anxious so to dissolve this uncomfortable feeling, you decide to take a drink. The next day, you are faced with two important decisions: ​​

  1.  will you choose to relieve your anxiety by continuing to numb the pain while socializing with old friends who practice “bad” habits?, or​

  2.  will you choose to fight anxiety with faith and proceed to go through the temporary loneliness that accompanies finding new friends so you establish a reinforcing environment so you can pursue your hope for a new normal? ​

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Trade Self-reliance for Self-sufficiency through Christ and Instant Gratification for Long-term Gain

Change implies a tradeoff, exchanging an old unproductive way for a new way. Before change can occur, you need to be willing and ready to make all, not just some, of the tradeoff’s associated with the exchange. Will you consciously choose to exchange the hope and love of God for your old habits?

 

An example of a not so conscience tradeoff decision that is common in addiction is when you have made a commitment to meet someone and instead you choose to remain engaged in your addiction activity and blow off your commitment. If you aren't conscious of your goal to change (the heat of the moment), this mismanagement of priorities becomes apparent to you after the consequences from short-term decisions affect your long-term goals. Additionally, because of the delay in consequences and the strength of old habits, you become increasingly aware that this habitual addictive behavior is turning into an all-consuming and unproductive habit that is having a negative impact on your relationships which drives you further into reliance on self and instant gratification, serving to reinforce your cycle of addiction (Deluca, Joel R., 1993). The pleasure and temporary need of satisfaction you may have felt after participating in addictive behavior has moved itself right into the top priority in your life (over pleasing God and others) securing your trade off of long-lasting / trusting relationships for the deception of short-term​ addictive thinking. The first step to building your new strategy to defeating defense mechanisms and tradeoff's is to simply be aware of them and learn from your experiences-the A, B, C's of performance. After that call on God and learn to do live in the freedom of His Love by practicing His righteous ways publicly; D(A + B) = CD = E2.

  • The Lord's prayer warns us that there is a struggle to fight off sin (Matthew 6:13). Read more about this sin cycle in Appendix 1I. 

  • The Apostle Paul declares that believers in the New Testament can ask God for petitions, but to ask Him from the position of thankfulness. Thank the Him that it is possible to receive what believers ask for in prayer because of your belief that Jesus Christ's sacrifice was enough and that belief keeps you abiding in Him so that makes your prayer effectual (possible for you to attain - in God's timing, John 14:13, 15:4, Mark 11:24, Matthew 21:22, James 1:6, 1 John 2:5-6, 3:24, 2 John 1:9). This is believing; not doubting, but a continuous, steady faith (Galatians 6:9). 

  • One of the hardest transitions into Christianity is relying on faith-filled habits in the midst of public humiliation and/or conflict to stifle the impulse to fight back against these personal attacks. Section 2; "Managing Self in a Social World" paints a picture of what it looks like to manage frustration and anger in order to keep the higher goal of keeping the peace.  

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