Appendix 1T; Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Have you ever found yourself using words like "um, like or so" and wondering why? These words are known as filler words. They are often used to fill in awkward silence when you are unsure of what to say next, or how to say it, or if you should even say it all? Or how about when your hurt or mad? How do you react, and should you? (Some people use silence as a strategy to hold back when they're unsure of what to say or are feeling uneasy about how their words would be received.) People will judge you based on the appropriateness of your response.
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Do you take the fraction of a second it takes to interrupt the automacy of the brain to redirect it with another thought or goal that helps stimulate more effective options so you can make an intentional decision to stay interpersonally connected??
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When feelings arise in you, what do you do with them?
From Impulsive to Intentional Behavior
Being able to identify your own as well as the feelings of others is the start to responding with emotional intelligence. In her article entitled, "From Impulsive to Intentional", Denise Fournier, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and adjunct professor at Nova Southeastern University, says that being mindful can lead to wiser choices and ties wise choices back to the wisdom of your goal. In Psychologist Daniel Goleman's book entitled; "Working with Emotional Intelligence (EQ)", he emphasizes humility as a key contributor to well-being (1998). Pride pushes reactions. With humility comes the ability to delay your natural reactions so you will implement a decision that will lead to a collaborative approach to problem-solving rather than a competitive, win/lose approach that continues escalating.
Humans are complex social and emotional beings whose well-being depends on communicating needs. Possessing Goleman’s 5 characteristics arms you with a perspective with which to view the information you receive so you can respond logically. Take time to hear the information being communicated to you by listening before allowing your emotions to interrupt a conversation. Take a second to evaluate your thoughts and then decide on an intentional response. Like Seligman’s PERMA model (APPENDIX 1S), Goldman’s scientific work reveals that the traits necessary for EQ are consistent with the traits illustrated in the Bible. Below is a summary of the factors he identified:
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For another way to look at emotional intelligence, see https://www.mbaknol.com/modern-management-concepts/the-four-branch-model-of-emotional-intelligence/ .
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Read more on how mindfulness helps make intentional decisions https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindfully-present-fully-alive/201708/impulsive-intentional.
Both a personal counselor and a business consultant can bring their insight into their interpersonal work relationships by balancing their feelings with their thinking. They do this by the practice of self-discipline. Keeping their job as a personal counselor and/or a business consultant requires the person to listen before making and giving a judgment. Both these professions require patience and self-control to try to understand and assess you. They balance their goals of accepting you as who you are with improving your performance by encouraging your improvement without damaging your self-concept. They take the time to find out about you before offering unique suggestions based on your personality rather, then offering ”one size fits all” solutions. The practice of self-discipline is common in athletes too, who learn to control their emotions so they aren't disqualified from the game.
Think of emotional intelligence as necessary for everyone who wants to achieve a functional personality. Self-imposed discipline on your emotions can maximize interpersonal relationships. For Christians, it's helpful to look at the definition of Biblical love as a love that sacrifices self-interest for the benefit of another person (Appendix 2T). Have the insight to achieve your goals while maintaining a heathy psycho-social personality, the willingness to give sacrificial love without blinding yourself from an overactive need for self-fulfillment (Appendix 1C, Appendix 2U).