Self-defeating behaviors stunt your growth! When you block hard truths from entering your reality, you remain stagnate, at best. People exhibit self-defeating behaviors in many different ways. These have both psychological and social motives and coupled with a unique personality, can result in sabotaging behaviors because of defense mechanisms. Most theorists summarize that people choose these behaviors to deal with their anxiety, self-doubt and/or shame; self-pity, self-criticism, perfectionism or procrastination, self-injury, over/under eating, social withdrawal (by way of alienation or self-directed isolation), relationship sabotage, risky sexual behaviors, over-spending, drug and alcohol abuse, comparing yourself to others, and refusing help. 

 

Guilt is a private emotion. Shame is a public one. Knowing this prepares you to better handle the array of emotions you feel when you focus on the social transition into your new normal. Researcher Poulson (2000, page 2, 3) says, “Humans are social animals. We live in groups, families, societies. At the core of this structure is an interpersonal bond, a bridge that connects one human being to another …. Shaming practices break this bond.” Research Professor Brown (2012) applies this shaming concept to addiction. She says, the most powerful need for the numbing behaviors associated with addiction seem to come from a combination of “shame, anxiety, and disconnection” (p 138). Feelings of anxiety produce numbing behaviors in an effort to escape the personal and social discomfort of performance tension (Brown, B., 2012). Brown explains that these feelings trigger a downward spiral that prevents you from persevering through the performance tension associated with change. Instead of allowing fear-based emotions to eat away at your recovery, you will need to counter these harmful emotions with 

single-minded faith-filled thoughts with matching, courageous, actions (Joshua 1:7-10). To read more about the psycho-social impact of shame see Appendix 2A. ​

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Decision-making comes into play in every area of your life when you are trying to change habits. There are many social triggers that you may not have been exposed to in a rehabilitation environment that will cloud your thinking and cause you trouble in expressing a single-minded - “heart” attitude that comes from knowing God (Proverbs 2:10). Cognitive dissonance becomes obvious when, after you have decided in your head to act one way, the decision you implement (a heart decision) is another. Christian heart knowledge is when you act consistently with your Biblical values because you are fully convinced of the way you should walk. If you choose to cling to the “head” knowledge you learned in recovery while deciding to reunite with old friends in a familiar environment, you'll be faced with this dissonance, exemplifying the different feelings associated with the various types of action taken. Guilt motivates obligation, while cognitive consistency motivates freedom. Head knowledge thinks that God’s grace needs to be earned by keeping the law or can be taken for granted (Romans 9:30-32, 6:1-2). Freedom in Christ, a heart knowledge, knows that grace is a gift that is responded to by gratitude.

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When a decision is made that triggers cognitive dissonance, anxiety (re)ignites and begins to destroy your sound thinking and you will become irritable from a loss of peace because of the denial of your heart knowledge. This irritable, anxious, feeling is trying to alert you that something is wrong within your attitude or behavior so you can address or correct it, not numb or deny it as is the case with head knowledge (Philippians 4:8-9). Applied to unhealthy addictions, you will only be able to​ tolerate this cognitive dissonance for so long before you will decide to either move to a new neighborhood or give in to the old habits (James 1:5-8). ​

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After successfully completing a recovery program where you learned dependence on Christ to resolve your addiction, if you then decide to live back in an old familiar environment that supported your old habits, you are an example of what the Apostle James calls being a double-minded person and what psychologists refer to as a victim of self-inflicted stress due to denial. Jesus likened this to a man that builds his house on sand in Luke 6:46-49: ​