Who you are on the inside (personal identity) may or may not be who you choose to be in public (social identity). In a social setting, you may or may not act consistently with your character depending on how high of a value you place in a social group. Social conformity is deciding to change your personal attitude (belief) and/or behavior made in order to fit in with a group. You may be tempted to make decisions dependent upon whose approval you are seeking, which stimulates internal tension to develop (Abrams, D., Wetherell, M., Cochrane, S., Hogg, M. A., & Turner, J. C. (1990)). Social conformity (the personal change of behavior or belief made in order to fit in with a group) is a direct opponent to maintaining character integrity. This concept is also a central theme discussed by research professors in Psychology and Social Workers, Susan Fiske (Ziv, T., Banaji, MR. , 2012) and Brene’ Brown (Ted Talk of 2010, book of 2015) respectively.

 

How you choose to handle this tension in a diverse world, will reflect your degree of transparency/authenticity and impacts your reputation (Crisp, R. J., & Turner, R. N. (2010). While your personality style is stable throughout life, it can be bent or modified by the strength and direction of your will. Free will can be described as both a desire and decision to direct your behavior in self-determined way, (regardless of public norms) in order to carry out the standards of your chosen higher authority (Fiske, S., (2012)).

 

Your self-regulation (commonly referred to by Christians as your will modification) needs to be negotiated first in your psyche and then socially, amid various groups. When you are a lifelong learner (a person who incorporates life lessons into future decisions), your maturity to fix counter-productive behaviors ShinE s forth and your personality becomes more flexible and mature over time and by intention (2 Peter 1:5-9). If you chose not to change by learning, your awareness and retention may be blocked by fear or excessive pride, resulting in a relative reality. Relative reality becomes apparent to you when you make the same mistakes over and over again, blocking the skill development gained from life-long learning (Specht, J., Bleidorn, W., Denissen, J. J., Hennecke, M., Hutteman, R., Kandler, C., ... & Zimmermann, J. (2014), p28).

 

Deciding that you don’t need to flex your personality style to communicate with the world around, stunts your growth and lessens the likelihood that you will be able to sustain a fulfilling relationship. For example, an assertive person might not know that their assertive behavior is viewed by others as pushy and defensive. For less assertive people, their inactivity and possible social anxiety may be misinterpreted as cold and standoffish. Motives are hard to detect, but it's part of your reputation. Researchers Specht, J., Bleidorn, W., Denissen, J. J., Hennecke, M., Hutteman, R., Kandler, C., ... & Zimmermann, J. (2014, p 23) say that the root of a narcissist’s dysfunctional relationships is their “willingness to self-enhance at the cost of​ others”. You can live in a cycle of relative reality until negative consequences become so painfully obvious that the desire to change takes over. When your behavior is interpreted by others as arrogant and/or standoffish, you might find yourself being highly critical of others (to help you fight off your own insecurities about your self-worth.​

• See Appendix 2E & Appendix 2F to explore the negotiations that take place internally between the id, ego, and superego.

• More @ See Appendix 2B and Appendix 2C for more information on common personality styles and their dominant traits.

• Read the article called, “What is truth”, here.

 

Selecting and directing your free will to conform to God’s principles, shows the confidence of your faith. A Christian becomes a Christian as a result of a free will decision. It takes a conscious decision to allow yourself to let Biblical principles steer your decision-making and problem-solving (1 Peter 1:13-19, see “An eternal perspective” in Appendix 1G). For example;

• if you are a Christian but value public approval higher than God’s, or

• if you choose to replace temporary loneliness with acceptance from a crowd that doesn’t honor God,

you’ll experience cognitive dissonance (because you know better). This dissonance (inconsistency between values and beliefs) impacts your attitude and that may lead to behavior modification and which alters your personality/reputation. This theory applied to drug addiction is evidenced by someone close to you saying, “He is not the same person he used to be.” This is because the dissonance produced continued distress as a result of your decision to alter your behavior instead fixing your wrong belief (James 1:6-8). Said another way, you allowed a right belief to be misconstrued and continued doing what you desired to do. The doing part of your personality is the piece that is judged by others (not your thinking process). Even as a Christian, you will still continue to struggle with this human tendency to want to please yourself (see Galatians 2:20, https://www.gotquestions.org/I-die-daily.html). The only way to overcome this temptation is to know and remember the principles in Christianity, train yourself on the empathy skills* common in friendship and to call on the power of the Holy Spirit as you implement them (Matthew 7:7, Luke 11:13, 6:30-32). Learning to see from God’s perspective equips you with the wisdom to understand and the compassion to respond selflessly (2 Corinthians 5:16-17, Appendix 2).   

• Read more in Appendix 1K, Pride Halts Personality Transformation.

• Read more on a skewed perspective in Appendix 2E.

• See Appendix 2G for a more detailed look at Christian insight.​

• Read about the example of Jonathon and David’s friendship amid the controversy with King Saul in 1 Samuel 18-23. (Key scriptures: 1 Samuel 18:1-4, 20:4, 23:16.)

• *For some scriptures on empathy see Romans 12:15, Galatians 6:2, Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:12-13, 1 Peter 3:8, Galatians 5:22-23.

 

A functional Christian personality thrives in a community with like values (Gouveia, V. V., Milfont, T. L., & Guerra, V. M. (2014)). It’s in this environment where your Christian psycho-social balance flourishes because;

1. your intention and integrity to please God is acted out in public, before yourself and everybody else,

2. your action is consistent with Christian integrity so it is considered a "free will sacrifice to God", and

3. your choice to be a continuous learner is acted on; - you utilize the Truth and your knowledge of God to grow and change using His Truth as the basis for future decision-making and problem-solving (Philippians 2:14-15).

Healthy Christians manage the interpersonal dynamics of relationships by a willingness to merge personal interests with those of others in society without taking offense for having to do it by adopting the willingness (an intentional decision) to merge personal interests with those of others in society without sacrificing Christian values. As a Christian, you become skilled at flexing your style in order to keep the peace. (Rather than controlling the situation to meet your own expectations.)

• See Appendix 2H to see how the Holy Spirit guides you into living life inside the boundaries of love.

• See Appendix 2J for a look at the workings of the Spirit controlled personality. 

• Negotiate your goals but don't compromise them; see how in Appendix 2I.

​

Don’t let your own personality blind you. There’s a fog that settles in around you that is generated from within you and that is the air of self-righteousness. It’s a commonality in all people but varies by degree of concentration. This fog makes it hard to see past the images of yourself (grand or inferior) to where you are capable of seeing the needs in others. However, when you live at rest in Christ’s righteousness, the fog lifts. For some people the transition is rapid and for others it takes a lifetime of learning. When you walk in union with the Triune God, you see more clearly that your path through this world is filled with a variety of people trying to go where you want to go. You might be quick to notice the flaws in others that are blocking their way, but you are slow to identify and rectify your own. This, too, is common in man until you rest in Christ, found when you shift from self-generated anxiety to  trusting in God’s sovereignty and when you do, you share in the unity of other Christ followers. (Your Restlessness is diminished by trusting God and it shows in your personality.)

 

​Putting on a functional Christian personality is a choice of personality expression that you make willingly. It comes from your decision to recognize and respond to God's mercy (John 1:12-13, Ephesians 5:1-2). Because God forgives sin through repentance, made possible by the work of Jesus Christ’s on earth, you can be sure of your hope and inheritance (Acts 3:19, Ephesians 1:7, 1 John 1:9, Hebrews 11:1). Our hope in God shapes our mindset and this shapes our ABC’s (Philippians 2:5, 1 Corinthians 2:16, 1 Peter 3:8-9). Praising God in all circumstances that we face in life is a sign of faith (Romans 8:28, 12:1-3). Even when we face unwanted circumstances that brings sorrow, we can hope in God and look forward to better days (Matthew 5:10-12, 1 Peter 4:12, James 1:2-5, Revelation 2:10–11).

 

Resiliency is your adaptability; if you choose to learn this skill, it will become an identifiable trait in your personality. You gain the ability to do this from the Holy Spirit, but you must make up your mind to act on Biblical principles. It is an intentional decision to believe and to express joyfully the power of and sovereignty of God. In John 16:33 Jesus said to his disciplines when he was letting them know that they would face persecution from non-believers, “... be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Jesus used a similar expression in, Matthew 14:27, when he approached the disciples who were on a boat in the middle of a storm. As soon as he was close enough, Jesus reminded them, “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!” Putting on Christ, means that you make an intentional decision to express joyful obedience to God as you maneuver through life (1 Peter 1:8-9, Philippians 2:1-3, 12, 17).  Your disposition as a Christian softens when you express cognitive consistency; aligning your integrity with the character of God, as exemplified by Christ. Make the choice today!

• How does distress play out through your personality? Answer the self-reflective questions about whether you are pleasing or grieving the Holy Spirit.  

​

As a Christian, your values dwell in your personal identity, and with God as the top value in your life, you’ll follow the Biblical principle to love yourself as your neighbor even in times of conflict (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 7:12, 19:19, 28:18-20, Romans 2:3, Galatians 5:14, Philippians 2:3). ​The expression of Godly habits incorporated in your personality bounds you to practice behavior that promotes peace and unity, motivated by love (Colossians 4:1-5, Ephesians 4:1-3, Appendix 1U). Sharing your faith brings you Christian Cognitive Consistency as well as a healthy psycho-social balance (John 14:26, Romans 8:5-6, 11-14, Galatians 6:5-9, Ephesians 6:11). 

• Negotiate your goals but don't compromise them; see how in Appendix 2I.

• See Appendix 2J for a look at the workings of the Spirit controlled personality. 

• A personality assessment that measures your dominate response style (think first, feel first, or act first) when interacting with the world and how your individual style impacts your communication and ability to accept (or disregard) your neighbor. Each of the seven style aligns with the gifts mentioned in Romans 12:4-8.  Go to https://www.lifelanguages.com/learn to identify your communication comfort zone: Mover, Doer, Influencer, Responder, Shaper, Producer, Contemplator; and then learn how to relate to all seven personalities. This particular personality assessment is available on-line for a small fee.