Excessive Self-focus Leads to Perfectionism and/or Procrastination

Perfectionism carries with it emotional anxiety that prevents you from being easy-going. It also clouds your mind so that the confidence, creativity, and risk taking of growth and change are replaced with a set routine, which limits your reality. Fear smoothers what if thinking. Excessive self-focus is like a balloon. The more you put yourself in the center of the world, the more consumed you become with control and the less room there is for seeing other people's reality. When you hyper-focus on your own needs, when you think about your imperfections, you can't see that those thoughts of perfectionism also cause you to procrastinate and even leads to inaction.

 

The thought of doing something perfectly triggers an uncomfortable feeling, so you put it off to avoid the discomforting thought until the deadline is right in front of you. In the worst-case scenario, both procrastination and perfectionism can be present when trying to complete a task. For example, rather than dedicating an excessive amount of time to try to do something perfectly, you put it off until time runs out so you can’t possibly do it perfectly even though you have established this as an expectation. The fear of imperfection perpetuates procrastination and turns into a negative self-fulfilling prophecy that is revealed in both attitude and behavior. Going back to the original example of thinking through the decision to attend the party, if you allow perfectionist tendencies to control your thinking, you will never make it THROUGH THE DOOR of the event because you will take too much time getting ready and if you are a procrastinator, you may not even start to get ready until it’s too late to make it on time (Ecclesiastes 11:4).  ​

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The point of using these examples is to understand how your own quirks become habits that become part of your personality and your routine. Whether you think personality is static (never changing) or fluid (adaptable) doesn’t really matter. It’s understanding that your actions reveal the real you. Learning how to break free of unproductive routines means that you need to change - face and go through the learning process so that you get comfortable doing or saying things that, at first, may feel strange to your routine but will eventually become absorbed into your personality. (It's your behavior that changes, not your personality). Learning from your past decisions shapes your future.

 

When you have been disappointed by the outcomes in your life, make different choices. One of those choices has to do with your social reputation. The hard part of implementing personal change is the impact it may or may not have on reputation; who you are known to be. Habits are a part of your daily routine; a comfortable pattern of behavior for you and is what those around you come to expect from you. So any change to your personal behavior can cause anxiety because of the initial impact the change has in your routine, which is the change that those around you see. Sometimes taking this step is too hard. The fear of social isolation may be holding you back and is often is why it's common to become stuck in bad habits. (Habits that you developed that didn't appear to have negative consequences but after you incorporated them into your routine, you found out you made a wrong assumption.) Changing bad habits is hard because it takes retraining in your body (replacing physical desires), mind (changing your thoughts) and soul (the social aspect). 

• See tab Still Anxious? for more articles.​

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The TEMPORARY discomfort to you as you incorporate change into your personality can be worsened or lessened based on the type of reinforcement you receive from your chosen social environment. When you are trying to quit an unhealthy habit, you will have to make some intentional decisions that will also effect your future reputation. It is unrealistic to expect you can maintain your old social reputation when you need to untangle yourself from the tentacles of bad habits. It's also unrealistic to think all your old friends will like the change in you. Some will respect it and not let it interfere in your relationship, while some others won't like losing a friend they can party with. This is yet another decision point that will impact your recovery. What are you ready to give to get? Without a strong identity in Christ, the insecurity you may feel as you implement change could be a trigger to relapse.

• Revisit "The Change Process" and "... Triggers" in The Art of Self-Mastery.

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Accept yourself as you are, God does. Be committed to your intention to give up unhealthy dependencies despite the (temporary) discomfort of trying to balance your psyche with your social environment. Let your strength flow from your faith. Explore the Christian faith; learn about its principles and practice what you know of the Bible. The Bible has answers to all your questions as you go through the various stages of life. When you have a secure identity in Christ you lose your drive for not only perfectionism and procrastination but materialism and people pleasing.

• What drives you to push for perfectionism?

• What drives you to procrastinate? Is it; 

• fear of failure?

• fear of losing your self-esteem?  

• fear of the discomfort of practicing to learn a new routine?

• fear of losing your social reputation?

• Are these unbounded thoughts pushing you back to the habits that you are trying to break?

 

When you know God, immediately your strength and confidence pull you to a new reality because you believe you are the righteousness of Christ and you don't need to be perfect to prove it (John 17:3, 1 Corinthians 1:30-31, 2 Corinthians 5:21, Hebrews 10:14). This brings a balance of fear and love. It gives you a Christian perspective in which to frame your growth and productivity expectations. To grow as a Christian, you need to accept God's mercy while not abusing His grace (Romans 6:1-2). Practicing what you know of the Word as you add to your learning is a life-long Christian journey (Philippians 3:14-17). It's a process, one in which, as a Christian, you need to choose and one which requires a focused effort to "grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ" (2 Peter 3:18). Choosing to grow is like choosing to go down a different street to avoid the "hole in the sidewalk". You have to nurture the "mind of Christ" so that what is true in your spirit can be demonstrated in your physical habits (Mark 4:1-8, 1 Corinthians 2:16, Philippians 4:9).​

• A quote from Benjamin Franklin reveals his stance concerning the treatment of self and others; ​​“The best thing to give; …to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; (respect) to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all others, charity.”​