The Bible warns about how pride in self - alone - shades your perspective and skews the implementation of love (Proverbs 12:15, 16:18, 1 Peter 5:6-7, Galatians 6:4). Pride blocks the flow of love and intimacy in relationships. Pride, when left unbridled, causes you to act in a way that controls, dominates or manipulates circumstances which

brings unanticipated consequences. There are many reason why people let pride go unbridled and become arrogant. Sometimes this false pride emerges from 

• a fear of embarrassment or shame,

• imitating parent's way of handling life,

• a judgemental (faulty) belief that you are so perfectly superior over others that halts your ability to learn from anyone else; an example of an “unconscious, unconscious” who doesn't practice life-long learning (Appendix 1F), and/or

• an identity crisis that hides feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth with false pride skewing your perspective.

Prideful people are fearful of taking emotional risks. They seldom make good friends because they trust no one but themselves and are not able to establish the emotional intimacy needed to form lasting relationships (1 Corinthians 13:4). ​Healthy love within relationships cannot form in the absence of God-driven self- assurance and a willingness to trust. Vulnerability is essential for a relationship to thrive. 

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Instead of relying on a dependent relationship with God to learn intentional love as a response to stimuli, the independent person relies on their own strength to respond in a way that seems best to themselves (Romans 12:3, Galatians 6:3, Proverbs 26:12, revisit Appendix 1I on the cycle of sin). This thinking lends itself into a control-based mentality that is hyper-active. In other words, the body’s stress release hormone, called cortisol, is triggered on a regular basis instead of being used as it was designed (to sporadically carry out your survival instinct referred to as the “flight or fight” response). Without a standard of truth, relative thinking becomes your “standard” and gives way to arrogant or vain, self-reliant, thinking that becomes a cycle of behavior - leaving you stuck in a hyper-state because of both a psychological reason (faulty beliefs form unproductive habits) and a biological reason (the overuse of the cortisol hormone). This hyper-focus on self-protection (trying to block fear through control) causes ineffective idea generation and poor problem-solving skills so that painful consequences are experienced over and over again until finally you realize your own "illusion of control". Only knowing and acting on truth from God’s Word can prevent this subjective, irrational thinking that skews reality and rejects trusting others which eventually leaves you alone, paralyzed by fear and stuck in your comfort zone, denying a need to change. 

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A person filled with false pride may take the free gift of salvation offered by God (Jesus as Savior) but refuses to accept Jesus as Lord too, because, in their thinking, such acceptance would mean trading independence and self-absorption for humble submission and service to others. The truth that God is the boundary-maker and the One in control, the truth that Christ takes away your shame and fear when you fail, and the truth that the Holy Spirit inspires positive change in your life--these truths only become real to prideful people when God’s love breaks into their cycle of independence. If you suffer from false pride, don’t wait until your dominating, know-it-all self is angry, empty, weak, and distraught. Many times the breakthrough is only possible when the prideful person is at an extremely low point of inability, emptiness, fear and/or dysfunctional behavior. This is when soul-searching begins and one can find true fulfillment.  

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When you admit your need for God, your Higher Power, who loves you unconditionally, you can then form healthy interdependent relationships with others. (You realize that you need to have a secure self-worth so you value yourself as equally deserving of sound relationships as any one else. Read Philippians 2:6-18 below to see how Paul describes Christ's self-sacrificing love (cumulating in death on the cross) as an outpouring of His humble and submissive attitude demonstrated by obedient behavior to God's standards so He could accomplished the will of His father (perspective shift). Paul encourages all Christians to let the love of God transformed you from the inside out. ​Self-sacrificing love is a dominate trait in the God-head and one that is a core trait in Christianity (motivated by humility and gratitude). This is how you too can look like love! (However, the perfection of Christ is not the goal; it's your willingness, your intent, that matters to God, a Spiritual Being.) 

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Love ShinE s brightly in both attitude and behavior when you express compassion (Philippians 2:5-18);