Do You Draw the Definition of the Word Love from Your Self-concept or Your Identity in Christ?

The Bible warns that pride in self alone will shade your perspective and skew the implementation of love in your life (Proverbs 12:15, 16:18, 1 Peter 5:6-7, Galatians 6:4). Most people are oblivious to their own attitude and don't realize that it is the cause of their relative reality. Excessively prideful people are fearful of taking emotional risks. They seldom make good friends because they trust no one but themselves and are not able to establish the emotional intimacy needed to form lasting relationships (1 Corinthians 13:4, Philippians 2:1-3). ​Instead of relying on a dependent relationship with God to learn intentional love as a response to people, the independent person relies on their own strength to respond in a way that seems best to themselves (Romans 12:3, Galatians 6:3, Proverbs 26:12, revisit Appendix 1I on the cycle of sin). 

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This imbalance of pride causes superficial relationships because of your lack of authentic intimacy. Pride is universal; both believers and non-believers possess it. When unidentified or left unbridled, it can lead you to act in a way that controls, dominates or manipulates circumstances that eventually brings unanticipated consequences. This false pride emerges from any number of ways. Here's a few for your consideration:

1. imitating your parent's way of understanding and handling life,

2. a deep-seated fear of embarrassment or shame,

3. an identity crisis that was not successfully resolved leaving feelings of inadequacy buried in your self-worth,

   • Read more about how an identity crisis is natural step in personality development in Appendix 2R; Grow in Maturity​ - ....​

4. a faulty belief that you are so perfectly superior over others.

• A judgmental attitude halts your ability to learn from anyone else and is an example of an “unconscious, unconscious” who doesn't practice life-long learning (Appendix 1F).​​

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Independence and pride share a craving for control and pleasure-seeking. This combination produces

psychological, biological, and chemical reactions that account for the automacy of habits with hyper-activity. The body’s stress release hormone, called cortisol, is triggered on a regular basis and so it is not being used as it was designed (to sporadically carry out your survival instinct referred to as the “flight or fight” response). This chemical boost makes intimacy harder to build as it strengthens self-protective traits and wards off vulnerability. The cycle of independent behavior becomes a comfortable habit; a hyper-state that hampers your awareness. Your relative thinking leads you to gravitate away from intimate relationships with people and towards things that are more controllable like money, drugs, possessions, or fame, which may bring temporary satisfaction but ultimately results in isolation and unfulfillment. 

• Read more about the dangers of Hubristic Pride in an academic article published by Dr. Steven Aicinena  called,  "When pride goes wrong"; published in 2011, in volume 11 of the Sport Journal, pages 1-21.

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The only thing strong enough to break into your own cycle of independence is your awareness and acceptance of God's sovereignty cushioned by His love so that it changes the way you see Him and other people (Romans 8:28-29, 35-38, Ephesians 2:8-10, 2 Peter 1:3-10). When you begin to understand the Triune Christian God, you start to see your relative reality disappear. Many times, the breakthrough is only possible when an overly prideful person has reached a point in their awareness when they are no longer satisfied with where their self-fulfillment led and have discovered for themselves that "something" is missing from their lives. (This can occur at either an extremely low point of inability, emptiness, fear and/or dysfunctional behavior or at an extremely high point of worldly success.) One of the many benefits of a relationship with the Godhead is the confidence you have in taking the risk to be vulnerable, which opens up the door to authenticity and friendships. The security you gain from putting God first establishes intimacy and trustworthiness with Him so you can be vulnerable with others. God replaces protective layering's over your self-concept with His gift of Christ’s identity in you (1 Peter 1:5, 2 Corinthians 5:17). 

• Explore the workings of the love and fear of God (awe, respect) in "The Art of Self-mastery" Tab, in the section entitled "Godly Fear Triggers Actions of Obedience but Love Sustains Conduct" and reread the Defense Mechanism paragraph to see how the brain tries to protect you from being hurt (vulnerability) in the Be Watchful of the Tendency to Self-protect tab.  

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What Do You Do with the Grace of God; Use it or Abuse it?

A person filled with false pride may take the free gift of salvation offered by God (Jesus as Savior) but refuse to accept Jesus as Lord too, because, in their thinking, such acceptance would mean trading independence for humble submission to God which includes acting in a way that meets the needs of your neighbor. (Rather than positioning God next to you, rather than above you, so you reflect God as the boundary-maker and the One in control of you.) The truth that Christ takes away your shame and fear when you fail and the truth that the Holy Spirit inspires positive change in your life--these truths only become real to people when God’s love breaks into their cycle of independence, shattering their "illusion of control".  

 

A hyper-focus on self-protection (trying to block fear through control) causes ineffective idea generation and poor problem-solving skills so that painful consequences are experienced over and over again without ever understanding. Not until you finally realize the consequences of your decisions will you accept the truth that you are not your own God/Higher Power. Only knowing and acting on Truth from God’s Word can prevent this subjective, irrational thinking from corroding your relationship experiences, reinforcing a dysfunctional cycle of trust that eventually leaves you alone, paralyzed by fear and stuck in your own comfort zone, denying a need to change. 

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When you admit your need for God, and accept His unconditional love for you personally, you can then use

the security you’ve gained from this relationship to form healthy interdependent relationships with others (1 John 1:14). You realize that you need to be and are loved unconditionally by God. This secures your foundation so you can (and want to) value yourself as equally deserving of sound relationships as any one else. The Apostle Paul encourages you, and all people, to let the love of God transform you from the inside out. ​He describes Christ's self-sacrificing love (cumulating in death on the cross) as an outpouring of His humble and submissive attitude demonstrated by obedient behavior to God's standards so He could accomplish the will of His father. See Philippians 2:5-18 below. We can acquire this attitude, too, with a perspective shift. 

• ​Self-sacrificing love is a dominate trait in the God-head and one that is a core trait in your Christianity, that is, if your intentions are motivated by humility and gratitude to God. This is how you too can look like and share love! Study out all the scriptures on being humble enough to call on the name of the Lord, and then let your heart control your actions. Here are a few; James 4:1, 10, 1 Peter 5:6, Luke 18:13-14, Acts 2:21, Romans 10:13, 2 Chronicles 7:14, Proverbs 22:4, Micah 6:8, Joel 2:32.

• The perfection of Christ is not the goal of your actions as a Christian, rather it's your willingness, your intent, to reach that goal that matters to God - to be alive in Christ and dead to sin (Romans 6:10-12). When your Spirit awakens and accepts God's authority, you will be able to renew your soul and it's physical habits accordingly, becoming a Spiritual Being fit for the Kingdom of God (Hebrews 11:39-40, Matthew 5:3-10, https://www.gotquestions.org/I-press-on.html). 

  • ​The Apostle Paul's personality was still very much driven and curt after being transformed by Christ, but his passion to teach the Truth was transformed into love and compassion. ​