When you are surprised by circumstances and find yourself falling into a sea of unanticipated and unwanted emotions, you can lose sight of who you are in Christ and drowned in your own subjective thinking. Humility is a personality trait that opens the door to a relationship with God. Humility uncovers gratitude and together they add structure to your hope, becoming the guide rails for your ABC’s. These are what keeps you practicing Christian principles even when you don’t feel like it (Philippians 2:3-11, Colossians 3:12-13). The more you practice this new Christian mindset, the more courage and resiliency you have to walk in the Christian faith. Anxiety dissolves into peace when you realize this because it sustains and encourages you to grow into who you are in Christ (1 John 2:5-6, 4:13, Philippians 2:5-8, Colossians 2:6, 12-13.)

• See https://www.gotquestions.org/peace-of-God.html for further reading. 

• Revisit the section called “Perception Drives Behavioral Choices ...” in the Art of Self Mastery.

 

You can’t be grateful and anxious at the same time. Researcher Brené Brown adds, “you can’t selectively numb emotions, you must deal with them. If you try to numb emotions to avoid pain or shame, you inadvertently numb the contrasting emotions like joy and satisfaction and these smother the emotion of gratitude” (Brown, B, (2012), youtube video, 2 Peter 1:7-9). Thoughts of gratitude set you on a different wavelength and this gives rise to thinking about what is possible (Romans 8:28, Mark 9:29, 2 Corinthians 4:18).​

 

 

To work your faith is choosing to restrain your anxious or negative feelings by prioritizing your Christian principles even in the midst of anger, sadness, insecurity, delight or over-confidence (Luke 46:46-49). By making an intentional decision to follow Christ, you are able to move swiftly into action that is consistent with what you believe while experiencing the peace and security of God (1 Peter 1:13, Romans 8:28, James 1:6, Isaiah 26:3, Exodus 33:14, Psalm 73:26, Isaiah 40:28-31, Philippians 4:7). The decision can be likened to someone giving you a life preserver to someone stuck in the middle of the ocean. The life preserver saves you from drowning but you are still stuck in the water. You need to do the work of controlling your emotions while you swim to the shore. A grateful attitude moves you through the waters smoothly because, instead of being haunted by negative thoughts, you swim confidently through the waves (2 Peter 1:3-5, Ephesians 4:30, 1 Thessalonians 5:23, Luke 22:42).

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Faith is the work a Christian does to develop a mind like Christ. Psalm 119:7 captures the attitude of a grateful heart: "As I learn your righteous regulations, I will thank you by living as I should"! Gratitude towards God stimulates your humility towards Him and energizes you to work out your faith with what the Bible describes as “fear and trembling” (1 Thessalonians 3:1, 5:23, 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, Philippians 2:12-13, Joshua 1:8-9). The Holy, Creator, God deserves your respect and honor, and this phrase captures that sentiment (Exodus 3:5). Respect requires you to be convicted. You must be "fully convinced" to learn how to work out His holiness so you can walk through this life loving God and your neighbor, imitating “the way” of the Lord (2 Corinthians 3:4-6, Philippians 1:9-11, 2:12, Ephesians 5:2, John 16:13, 16:33, Micah 6:8, Romans 8:28, 12:12). This is the will of God (Ephesians 5:1-2, Romans 12:1-3, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-12, 1 Peter 2:15, 1 Timothy 2:3-4).

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Gratitude, as well as love, is an intentional decision. For a Christian it's to think and act consistently with Christ's Spirit in you, knowing that your hope is secure (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, James 1:22, Philippians 4:6, Psalm 100:4, Hebrews 12:28-29, 6:19). This enlightened mindset shapes your behavior by enabling you to curb your human impulse for instant gratification so your faith can persevere through unwanted circumstances to achieve the promises of God (Hebrews 11:1, 6:12, 1 Thessalonians 4:3). Gratitude is the attitude that energizes your action. Grateful Christians show the love and joy of God to others through sincere acts of kindness that maintains your contentment and continued actions of kindness Ephesians 2:8-10, Romans 11:6; Galatians 2:16; 2 Timothy 1:9; Titus 3:4-8; James 2:14-18; 2 Peter 1:5-11, Psalm 90:16-17).  

• See the resiliency diagram in the section on Minimizing Conflict toward Preserving Peace. 

• Read more in Appendix 1Q: Resiliency to Overcome Setbacks​.

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Reframing Bitterness 

Gratitude is the work of a Christian (https://www.gotquestions.org/sacrifice-of-praise.html, 1 Thessalonians 1:3, 5:18, Psalm 1112:1, Philippians 4:6). It comes with believing and trusting that when you let God satisfy your own needs for unconditional love, acceptance, worthiness, and security, you’ll have the courage of Christ and achieve the peace and joy of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23, Philippians 4:6-8, Isaiah 26:3, Psalm 16:11). From this frame of reference, in times of trouble, you'll remember to call on God and trust in Him so that gratitude, not bitterness, will shapes your mindset and you'll be gentle and long-suffering, rather than sticking to a self-focused attitude that generates harsh reactions.

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Bitterness can be described as a mix of emotions, like anger and sadness, when something did not turn out as you had hoped. The root cause of disappointment is misplaced expectations of yourself, God and/or of each other. If negative thoughts are allowed to fester, bitterness turns into smoldering resentment which taints your forthcoming behavior and produces both physical and emotional discord (dissonance). Letting go of anger, hurt, sadness, disappointment, or unforgiveness is a choice that frees you.

 

It's also from this perspective that you can glean a better understanding of how to love God with your heart, soul, mind and strength and it is this mindset that enables you to love your neighbor as yourself (Colossians 3:23, John 13:34-35, Psalm 37:1-9 ). When God is prioritized first in your life, your elevation of Him, elevates you! Gratitude, as an expressed state of mind, leads to loving relationships; with God and with other people, demonstrated by prosocial behavior (1 Thessalonians 5:18, Matthew 22:37-39, 1 John 4:19). Gratitude is both a psycho and social personality trait that serves as a weight to prevent extremes in your ABC's (McCullough, M. E., Kilpatrick, S. D., Emmons, R. A., & Larson, D. B. (2001).

• Read more at Appendix 1M, Appendix 1N,  Appendix 2S, and Appendix 2H.

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A note about entitlement

Gratitude stimulates praise, thanksgiving and love in relationships. It's like love in that it is an attitude that proves itself through actions of kindness. Entitlement is also an attitude but one that stifles the motivation to act. Entitlement comes from a mindset that believes one deserves special privileges without earning them; an attitude rooted in pride that often leads to unmet expectations. Remaining stuck in a me-centered perspective will limited your options, evoking negative thoughts and feelings leaving you hyper-focusing on the pain, not the gain, of your past experiences (Appendix 20).​​​ While gratitude moves you to pursue hope with confident action, entitlement limits you in both action and mindset (2 Corinthians 3:4-6, John 16:13, 16:33, Philippians 1:9-11, 2:12, Romans 8:28, Ephesians 5:2). A shift from pride to humility results in a change of focus that allows you to see from a perspective of gratitude (Romans 11:11, 17).

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A note about relationships

Love is activated by human gratitude and is the key to sustaining relationships. The law of attraction is a popular concept in psychology that was first identified in the mid 1800’s and it has become the basis for many other theories ever since. While attraction may spark the initiation of a relationship, it’s humility, love and gratitude that sustain it. Once your attention is turned to God (for whatever reason that gained your interest), you learn to trust Him, you appreciate the relationship (instead of taking it for granted) and it’s through time and experiences that trust blossoms into love. God fills you with His Spirit of Love so you have the capacity to establish secure relationships; first with God and then with others. As a Christian, your deposit of Spiritual Holy Love lies dormant until you let gratitude motivate the outward expression of your inward condition (Ephesians 4:30-32).