Changing your perspective to view interpersonal dynamics through the eyes of self-sacrificial love (putting other people’s needs before your own), repositions your focus and helps you remain peaceful throughout a conflict. When you move your gaze away from yourself and place it on your neighbors, a fresh perspective opens up that sparks creative solutions for problem-solving. Compassion and gratitude are examples of other-centered emotions that enable you to choose to be kind and flexible, despite your feelings (Luke 9:23, Colossians 3:12-13, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7). The problem with conflict is that it evokes a defensive reaction, which can stand in the way of a perspective shift. 

• Which way do you bend your will; in the direction of self, or God and other people?

• Which feelings do you let direct your behavior?

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Christians are called to walk by faith (2 Corinthians 5:7, Hebrews 11:1). God gave you the free will to choose whether or not to imitate His Holy, self-sacrificing love (1 John 4:10, Ephesians 5:1-4, 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, 2:11-12, Romans 12:16, Philippians 2:4-8). It’s your personal choice, your free will, that reveals your heart's intentions (Ezekiel 36:26-27, Hebrews 13:14-16, 2 Corinthian​ 9:7). You can choose to avoid a defensive stance when faced with opposition because, as a Child of God, you are empowered to be “a friend who loves at all times”, without fear, because “love always trusts” (Proverbs 17:17, 1 Corinthians 13:7, Galatians 4:6, 1 John 4:18). You’ll become self-sufficient in Christ (not relying on man’s approval) when you trade self-reliance for self-sacrifice (Romans 13:14, Galatians 5:22-23, Colossians 1:27). Weeding through your thoughts to decide which ones to act on is a process that will never go away - it’s the work you do as a Christian (Titus 3:1-9). Rage, disappointment, bitterness and defensiveness are all feelings that a Christians must die to (2 Corinthians 5:15, Matthew 16:24). This is the work of a sacrifice, doing God’s will over your own while praising God (Psalm 27:6).

• Read “Lessons from Conflict ...” @ https://www.christiantrainingonline.org/lessons-from-conflict-in-philippi-conflict-resolution-4/.

 

Gratitude to the Triune God Sparks Trust - the behavior in you that pleases Him

https://www.gotquestions.org/living-sacrifice.html

A child of God has taken on Christ’s identity and no longer operates on a me centered, win/loose mentality (1 Corinthians 10:24, Philippians 2:3, Matthew 13:14-16), but instead can see with eyes of empathy and take compassionate actions because of the security you gain from being in Christ (Joshua 1:9, Hebrews 10:35, 1 John 5:14). Eyes of empathy allow you to see the other person involved in the conflict as a sinner just like you, so you can adjust your feelings to reflect Christ (Matthew 5:7, Hebrews 4:16, 1 Peter 4:10). ​When you choose to overlook an offense, you trigger actions consistent with your Christianity (Proverbs 19:11, 1 Corinthians 13:5, Matthew 5:9, Mark 12:30-31).​

 

Remembering who you are in Christ, is an intentional act of your will that triggers the power of the Holy Spirit to ShinE   through you. The emotions of hope and love can replace fear and self-reliance when you demonstrate your decision to trust God and set your mind on de-escalating the conflict (Proverbs 4:5, 1 Thessalonians 5:8, Romans 13:14, Acts 1:8, James 4:7, 1 Peter 5:8-10, 2 Timothy 2:15, Ephesians 6:10-18). With this choice comes a feeling of security in your heart that motivates you to become less intense, more patient and not as reactive so you can "flex" your style and keep the peace (Ephesians 4:26, 4:29, revisit Appendices 2J, 2K,  2L and 2M). 

 

You have the knowledge and power to temper your human attitudes and behaviors with the love of Christ (that is in you) - when you choose to do it (Genesis 4:7). If you don’t call on help from God, and choose, instead, to let your hurt/negative feelings rule your behavior, you'll be caught up in the cycle of conflict, further skewing your perception so that you cannot evaluate and control the conflict objectively (Proverbs 21:23, Luke 6:46, 1 Corinthians 6:19, 15:33, Colossians 3:22, 1 John 3:16, 5:18, Appendix 1E).

• See more for a fresh perspective of how to view and approach conflict while keeping your Christianity intact at https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/conflict-is-an-opportunity-for-grace.

 

Season Your Personality with Versatility (the ability to flex or be adaptable)

Christ demonstrated how to be flexible with people while sticking to His Holy values (Fønnebø, L. (2011)). Dr. Rohm says, “The life of Christ reveals the positive traits of each personality type. ... He was the perfect balance of all four types” because He flexed His own personality to bend towards others, bringing “peace and unity within social settings” (Rohm, R. A., (2008), Ephesians 4:3-4). Jesus didn’t worry about having a personal and a social identity but He intentionally chose to blend His character into society in sacrificial ways that pleased both sinners and a Holy God, motivated by love towards God (Proverbs 3:3-4, Matthew 22:37-39, 1 John 3:16-18).

 

Additionally, Jesus intentionally formed His own social group by calling like-minded people to join Him as He followed God (Mark 1:17, Matthew 3:1-3, 8, John 17:3, 7-12). He showed love to others, expressed it consistently, and applied it without discrimination to those who received Him, even if it meant persecution (a righteous sacrifice for sinners) to fulfill the plan of God (Luke 4:16-30, John 8:59, Luke 22:43-44, John 19:28-30). Jesus had a knowledgable faith that was transparent and authentic so that He was able to walk in love to others because He knew and trusted the Source of Holy Love - God - and found comfort among His friends (1 John 4:7, 3:18-19, Luke 2:46-47, Luke 6:27-33, Romans 12:9-18, 1 Corinthians 13:4-13).

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By honoring God and respecting others unique personalities, you can turn a destructive conflict into a friendly discussion (2 Peter 1:4, Matthew 6:33, Proverbs 15:18, 20:3, 2 Timothy 2:23-26, LaHaye, Tim, revised edition 1992).

Once a Godly goal is set, the Holy Spirit, the power of God in every dependent believer, will equip and enable you (implies your willful choice) to carry out the actions of love rather than self-righteousness (Proverbs 21:21, Romans 10:3, Galatians 6:3, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7). You show insight when you know the right thing to do, and you choose to you do it to please God (John 16:13, 1 John  2:27, 1 Corinthians 2:7, Proverbs 4:20-22, 20:27, Hebrews 4:12, Isaiah 35:8, Morgan, R. J., (2001/2014)). Rule over your emotions by relying on the Spirit of God to transform your A, B, C’s into D(A + B)= C  . Christian cognitive consistency proves that you have died to self-fulfillment and are intentionally choosing to be a sweet swelling aroma for God’s glory and your good (Romans 12:1-3, Ephesians 5:1-2, Hebrews 13:14-16).