Changing your perspective to view interpersonal dynamics through the eyes of self-sacrificial love (putting other people’s needs before your own), repositions your focus and helps you remain peaceful through conflict. When you move your gaze away from yourself and place it on your neighbors, a fresh perspective opens up that spark’s creative solutions for problem-solving. Compassion and gratitude are examples of other-centered emotions that shift your thinking and enable you to choose to be kind and flexible (Luke 9:23, Colossians 3:12-13, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

• Which way do you bend your will; in the direction of self or God and other people?

• Which feelings do you let direct your behavior?

 

God gave you the free will to choose whether or not to imitate His Holy, self-sacrificing love by sending Jesus and the Holy Spirit to all humanity (1 John 4:10, Ephesians 5:1-4, 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, 2:11-12, Romans 12:16, Philippians 2:4-8). Gratitude to the Triune God, sparks the behavior in you that pleases Him https://www.gotquestions.org/living-sacrifice.html). It’s your personal sacrifice offered to God by the use of your free will, that reveals your new heart’s intentions (Ezekiel 36:26-27, Hebrews 13:14-16, 2 Corinthian​ 9:7). The problem with conflict is that it evokes a defensive reaction, so to avoid this tendency, you need to reposition your perspective so the actions that follow reinforce your Godly character integrity. 

 

Christians are called to walk by faith, not sight, regardless of present or future social pressures or your past hurts (2 Corinthians 5:7, Hebrews 11:1). You can choose to do this, even when faced with opposition, because when you have been adopted into the family of God you are empowered to be “a friend who loves at all times”, without fear because “love always trusts” (Proverbs 17:17, 1 Corinthians 13:7, Galatians 4:6, 1 John 4:18). Putting on Christ replaces self-reliance with self-sacrifice and you’ll become self-sufficient in Christ, not relying on man’s opinion or approval (Romans 13:14, Galatians 5:22-23, Colossians 1:27).

 

A child of God has taken on Christ’s identity and no longer operates on a me centered, win/loose mentality (1 Corinthians 10:24, Philippians 2:3), but instead can see with eyes of empathy and appropriate actions of compassion (Matthew 13:14-16). Eyes of empathy allows you to see the other person involved in the conflict as a sinner just like you, so you adjust your feelings (Matthew 5:7, Hebrews 4:16, 1 Peter 4:10). ​When you choose to overlook an offense, you choose to act on your Christianity (Proverbs 19:11, 1 Corinthians 13:5, Matthew 5:9, Mark 12:30-31).​ By honoring God and respecting others unique personalities, you can turn a destructive conflict into a friendly discussion (2 Peter 1:4, Matthew 6:33, Proverbs 15:18, 20:3, 2 Timothy 2:23-26, LaHaye, Tim, revised edition 1992).

 

Remembering who you are in Christ, is an intentional act of your will that triggers the power of the Holy Spirit to ShinE  through you. The emotions of hope and love can replace fear and self-reliance when you demonstrate your decision to trust God and set your mind on de-escalating the conflict (Proverbs 4:5, 1 Thessalonians 5:8, Romans 13:14, Acts 1:8, James 4:7, 1 Peter 5:8-10, 2 Timothy 2:15, Ephesians 6:10-18). With this choice comes a feeling of security in your heart that motivates you to become less intense, more patient and not as reactive so you can "flex" your style and keep the peace (Ephesians 4:26, 4:29, revisit Appendices 2J, 2K,  2L and 2M).

 

You have the knowledge and power to temper your human attitudes and behaviors with the love of Christ that is in you - when you choose to do it (Genesis 4:7). If you don’t, the emotional and physical consequences of continuing sinful behavioral habits, motivated by self-centered or crowd-pleasing desires, will skew your perception and lead to unbalanced and unhealthy relationships that you cannot understand or evaluate/relate objectively (Proverbs 21:23, Luke 6:46, 1 Corinthians 6:19, 15:33, Colossians 3:22, 1 John 3:16, 5:18, Appendix 1E). See more for a fresh perspective of how to view and approach conflict while keeping your Christianity intact, https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/conflict-is-an-opportunity-for-grace.

 

Jesus modeled what it looks like to season his personality with versatility (the ability to flex or be adaptable). Christ demonstrated how to be flexible with people while sticking to His Holy values (Fønnebø, L. (2011)). Dr. Rohm says, “The life of Christ reveals the positive traits of each personality type. ... He was the perfect balance of all four types” because He flexed His own personality to bend towards others, bringing “peace and unity within social settings” (Rohm, R. A., (2008), Ephesians 4:3-4). Jesus didn’t worry about having a personal and a social identity but He intentionally chose to blend His character into society in sacrificial ways that pleased both sinners and a Holy God, motivated by love towards the father (Proverbs 3:3-4, Matthew 22:37-39, 1 John 3:16-18).

 

Additionally, Jesus intentionally formed His own social group by calling like-minded people to join Him as He followed God (Mark 1:17, Matthew 3:1-3, 8, John 17:3, 7-12). He showed love to others, expressed it consistently, and applied it without discrimination to those who responded, even when it meant persecution (a righteous sacrifice for sinners) to fulfill the plan of God (Luke 22:43-45, John 19:28-30). Jesus was transparent and was able to walk in love for others because He knew and trusted the Source of Holy Love, God (1 John 4:7, 3:18-19, Luke 2:46-47, Luke 6:27-33, Romans 12:9-18, 1 Corinthians 13:4-13,).

 

Weeding through your thoughts and deciding which ones to act on is a process that will never go away, it’s the work you do as a Christian (Titus 3:1-9). Rage, disappointment, bitterness and defensiveness are all feelings that a Christians must die to. This is the work of a sacrifice, doing God’s will over your own while praising God (Psalm 27:6).

• Read “Lessons from Conflict ...” @ https://www.christiantrainingonline.org/lessons-from-conflict-in-philippi-conflict-resolution-4/.

 

Once a Godly goal is set, the Holy Spirit, the power of God in every dependent believer, will equip and enable you (implies your willful choice) to carry out the actions of love rather than your being led astray by your own self-righteousness (Proverbs 21:21, Romans 10:3, Galatians 6:3, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. You show insight when you know the right thing to do, and you choose to you do it- to please God (John 16:13, 1 John  2:27, 1 Corinthians 2:7, Proverbs 4:20-22, 20:27, Hebrews 4:12, Isaiah 35:8, Morgan, R. J., (2001/2014)). Christian cognitive consistency proves that you have died to self and are intentionally choosing to be a sweet swelling aroma for God’s pleasure and glory (Romans 12:1-3, Ephesians 5:1-2, Hebrews 13:14-16). Choose today “whom you will serve” (Joshua 24:15).